Marian Mills

I'd like to share an idea that came to me a little while ago, whilst considering my own upbringing and how love was something that literally "went without saying" in the family - or at least, that's how it appeared!

It seems as though we come into this world looking for love to be delivered in a certain format, but it comes in unrecognizable forms, so we throw it away. It's like having a round hole as your love receptacle, but only being given square pegs. Because they don't fit, you throw them away, and grow up feeling unloved. Or another analogy is to go into your local greengrocers and demand that they provide you with a pound of lean beef steak. You stand in there for a very long time, throwing tantrums, shouting at the poor shopkeeper, using tears, pleading, bargaining, threats .... but you just don't ever get your pound of lean beef steak!

The good news is, though, that all those square pegs we so casually threw away, because they didn't fit our round hole, can be gathered up and re-fashioned. I give thanks to the person who created a beautiful image of a lovely jade round column formed out of all the discarded square pegs. In this way we can begin to heal the hurts, feel fulfilled, and know that we always have been loved.

I just love this idea of being able to accept our own flawed brilliance, from Claudette Rowley.

"There is a definition of self-acceptance that I've embraced lately: Flawed brilliance. Think about it. We are each brilliant AND flawed in our own unique ways. Developing a greater understanding of the depth and breadth of your brilliance, while accepting your flaws with grace, will lead not only to a fuller understanding of yourself, but also to a deeper acceptance."

Read the full article here

I had a Human Design reading 9 months ago - I wonder whether that time period is significant as a gestation period? - and it has helped me enormously in understanding myself and others. However, I think I have only just really got to the root of it.

If we accept that we all choose to come here and incarnate, with a specific purpose in life, then the obvious thing for an all-powerful divine being to do would be to create the perfect vehicle for fulfilling that purpose. If you want to stand a good chance at winning the Grand Prix, you build a super racing car, not a mini! So within our Human Design (or astrology chart) is encoded our life purpose. When we look at what the vehicle (this human body) is designed to do, we can derive the purpose for which it was created.

For me, this is to be who I am. Nothing more complicated than that. I was born to be creatively different from everyone else.

But oh how I have longed to 'fit in', be like everyone else, 'do' something that will earn approval, hidden my fear of being seen to be different and therefore rejected. This 'not good enough' fear could have been written through my body, like the words in a seaside stick of rock. And that fear has kept me focused on my faults and driven me to continually improve, hoping one day to reach the state of grace whereby I become completely acceptable to everyone! As I write it, I can see how ridiculous this really is, but of course, I couldn't see the wood for all the trees.

The powerful combination of EFT and Human Design has enabled me to transform these fears and realise that fear has kept me focused on my faults and finding ever more ways to 'improve' myself. Fear had me driving myself harder and harder to transform; there was always another issue to work on that meant I wasn't yet 'good enough', and I constantly pulled the roof down on my head in my struggle to escape the fear. But paradoxically, all that transformation work has now enabled me to see more clearly that it has been fear in the driving seat all along, and, most importantly, how I can choose to see things differently from now on.

"Even though I've always believed I was not good enough
I now choose to joyfully and lovingly be all that I truly am"